I had my big toenail removed today, and I’ve been hobbling around as a result. For someone closing in on five years of consecutive 10,000-step days, it’s very frustrating. But I’m stubborn, and I will get those steps in even if it… well, I won’t go that far…

I’ve seen the old man walking the neighborhood cul-de-sac many times since moving to this house – it was usually during the day when I had to come home at lunch to pick up something I forgot, or I had a doctor’s appointment.

And I realize when I call someone an “old man” that could mean a lot of things – particularly since I’ve reached the age where I’m what I used to consider an “old man.” But this guy is in his 90’s if he’s a day – so, old by just about anyone’s metric.

He’ll pause in front of one house or another to catch his breath or just to rest before continuing on his way around the cul-de-sac. I have no idea where he lives – that’s the paradox of suburban living, isn’t it? We’re crammed shoulder to shoulder but we rarely know the person three doors down unless we share a connection like kids or dogs or you’re some kind of type-A social butterfly – weirdo.

While I’ve seen him innumerable times, I never really watched him until recently.

I had foot surgery – I’ll spare you the details because I’m positive you don’t want the gory details there. But suffice it to say, I was on doctor-ordered work-from-home for a couple weeks with limited mobility. I’ll say this: I love working from home until I have no choice but to work from home. Then the walls start to close in on me after a while.

At some point after about ten in the morning I disconnect my laptop from the big monitor, put it in the bag attached to my crutches and hobble out to the front porch where I put my leg up on a sun-bleached low plastic table while I take in the fresh-ish air and try to be productive.

That was when I had my first chance to really watch the old guy doing his circuit. I was on a conference call when the movement caught my eye. He paused in front of the house with the pugs for a few moments (while the dogs went crazy inside, of course) before continuing past the Joneses next door and then past my house. He gave a little wave as he noticed me on the porch and I waved back while I sounded engaged in the meeting. I noticed he wore one of those old-fashioned pedometers on the pocket of his black pants as he continued by.

An indeterminate time later after I absolutely didn’t watch a YouTube video summary of last night’s Warriors game between emails, motion on the street caught my eye again. It was the old man again. “Damn,” I thought, “he’s really getting after it!” He passed the pug house (pugs went crazy again) and paused this time at the fire hydrant between the Joneses and my house. He looked down at his boxy pedometer, grimaced, then started moving again. Again, the little wave as he noticed me on the porch. I waved back before starting the ordeal that is hobbling back inside to my desk.

The next morning it was porch time and here comes the old man on his circuit again. Passed the crazed pugs again, the Joneses, little wave to me on his way by before pausing in front of the Lewises on the other side of my house. I clocked him as he worked his way back down the other side of the street while I fought with a stupid PowerPoint deck.

Right when I was about to hunt down who specifically at Microsoft was responsible for creating PowerPoint and planning an elaborate torture session for that individual in recompense for the pain and suffering I was facing that morning, I saw the old man coming back around again. Paused in front of the pugs (that’s got to be annoying inside…), little wave as he passed me, and he kept going. With a huff, I closed the laptop and went back inside and made lunch.

After-lunch sleepies threatened to consume me at my desk, so I hobbled outside to the front for the rare afternoon porch session. Imagine my surprise when I clocked the old guy making another circuit! He was pausing at the hydrant between the Joneses and my place, grimaced at his pedometer and started forward again.

This man was now officially my kindred spirit.

I closed my laptop, managed to get to my feet and crutched down the two steps to the driveway just as the old man started past my house.

“Good afternoon,” he said.

“Good afternoon,” I replied. “Hey, I’ve been stuck at home for the last few days with… this,” I gestured to my wrapped foot. “I’ve been seeing you doing your walks and… I’ve got to tell you, you’re really inspirational.”

“Bah,” he said with a wave. “I’m no inspiration…”

“No, seriously. What is this? I’ve seen you make at least three circuits of the cul-de-sac today. That’s phenomenal!”

He stopped and looked at me surprised. “Oh? Have I?”

My heart fell immediately and now fear gripped my heart – was I misunderstanding this guy? Is he, like, sundowning… in the middle of the day? Noon-downing? You know what I mean – is someone wondering where he is while he’s endlessly wandering the neighborhood.

“Umm… yeah…” I tried to assess the situation. “How many circuits do you think you’ve done?”

“Oh… I didn’t know I made a complete circuit yet…” he said, befuddlement clear on his face.

My eyes roamed his wrists for some sort of identification – maybe I could contact his caretaker? “I’m terrible at knowing who lives where,” I said. “Where is your place?”

“Oh,” he brightened. “I’m the yellow house at the other end of the cul-de-sac.” He gestured towards the other end of our street… which dead ended into a small park. There were no yellow houses down there.

“By the park?” I asked.

“Park? No…” he looked at me quizzically. “Anyway, my grandson challenged me to get ten thousand steps.” He gestured towards the boxy pedometer clipped to his pocket.

“Where are you at, step-wise?”

“Oh, that’s the thing…” He furrowed his brow as he unclipped the pedometer and stared at the numbers. “I’m at 9,990 right now – should be just ten more steps! But it doesn’t seem to be going up…” He clipped it back to his pocket. “I’ll get it, though,” he said enthusiastically. “You have a good day, now, okay?” And he started back down the cul-de-sac.

I stared after him as he kept moving past the Lewis place.

“Jim…” the male voice behind me made me jump and then stub my bad foot and hobble around in a circle on one crutch.

“Ow, ow, ow, ow! Don’t scare me like that, Alan!” I hadn’t noticed Alan Jones come out of his house and come up behind me.

“You… uh… you talked to him?”

“The old guy? Yeah. I’m really impressed with him. He’s really getting his steps.”

“He’s dead, Jim,” Alan said with absolute seriousness.

I laughed nervously, “What… what are you talking about?” I turned and saw the old man making his way past the house at the very end of the cul-de-sac with, like, three dilapidated pickups parked in front.

“He used to live at the end of the other side of the street.”

“Yeah, he was saying…”

Alan nodded. “They demolished his place about a decade ago and put in that park.”

I gaped at Alan. I turned to make sure the old man hadn’t vanished. Sure enough, he was making his way back down the opposite side of the street after pausing in front of the house with the overgrown yard and the permanent 12-foot skeleton. “But… no, he’s getting his steps…”

Alan nodded. “His grandson?”

“Yeah, so you know?”

Alan nodded again. “He had no business trying to get ten thousand steps. He collapsed when he was out walking – apparently, he was just…”

“…Ten…steps…away…”

From across the street, the old man gave us both a little wave.

“Let’s see… what am I forgetting?” Sam tapped his finger to his chin thoughtfully. “I showed you the plants… You met Toby… I showed you where his food is. Oh, don’t…”

“…Feel bad if Toby doesn’t come out — he’s shy around strangers,” Derek smiled.

“I… already covered that, didn’t I?”

Derek nodded. “It’s cool, man. You’ve got a lot on your mind with this trip. It’s all good. I know which plants to water when, I know Toby’s food schedule. I’ll camp in your guest room tomorrow night, and you’re back next Saturday. That about it?”

Sam visibly relaxed. “Thanks, man. This is all written down and I sent it to your email.”

“Tell me it’s not a PowerPoint.”

Sam reddened.

“Bro, you need this vacation so bad! Maui is waiting!”

“Thanks man.”

“Let’s see… what am I forgetting,” Marlene tapped her finger to her chin thoughtfully. “I showed you the best places to manifest cold spots… Oh, about the stairs, don’t…”

“…Sound footsteps until at least 3am because that’s the accepted ‘witching hour’?”

“I… already covered that, didn’t I?”

Elaine nodded. “It’s fine, Marlene. I understand, this is the first time you haven’t had Amelia to ghost sit for you. But she’s gone into the light, and I’m here to cover for you! You’re good.”

“Thank you, Elaine. I really appreciate it.”

“Hey, it’s not everyday you get to meet up with the ghost of your great, great, great…”

Marlene laughed, “It’s just great-great. And it’s my great, great granddaughter – heart attack, I heard. Died in her sleep.”

“Oh, give her my congratulations!” Elaine smiled.

“Will do. And you think you’ll be back next Saturday?”

“Oh, dear yes. Nothing worse than a visiting ghost overstaying her welcome.”

“Talk about things that go bump in the night!”

They both laughed.

“Hey Toby,” Elaine said gently to the cat sitting on the throw rug in front of the bed as she crouched in the doorway to the guest room. The cat regarded her warily. “We met the other night? Marlene introduced us? She’s out, but she told me to make sure you were okay.”

Derek noticed the cold spot at the top of the hallway as he brought his duffel to the guest room. “That’s weird,” he said shivering and crossing to the thermostat. Seventy degrees. He shrugged and saw Toby sprint under the guest bed as he dropped his duffel. “Hey buddy,” he said, kneeling to look at the two eyes in the darkness. “Pspspspsps…” he said, smiling. Toby stared back at him, then looked over his shoulder. His eyes grew wide and he receded farther under the bed.

“Who is this guy?” Elaine stood behind the man now kneeling in front of the bed. “He’s not coming out for you, buddy. Where’s Sam? I was told Sam was the only living person here?”

Derek tilted his head at the cat looking over his shoulder. He turned and looked straight through Elaine. “Nothing there, buddy.” Derek stood up and turned to face the door and pulled out his iPhone.

Elaine stood directly in front of him as he scrolled through his phone. “Who. Are. You?!” she yelled at him.

“Okay, the Boston fern gets watered today…” he read. He lowered his phone, stared right through Elaine and stepped through her, shivering as he did. “Seriously, why is it so cold up here?” he said to himself as he headed downstairs.

Elaine stared after him as he left the room. “Marlene said Sam was the only living person here. This guy must be… a squatter! He’s probably going to… I don’t know… strip out the copper wires! Like what happened to that foreclosed place I was at. Not today! Not on my watch!” She stalked out of the room after Derek.

Derek had set the small watering can on the counter beside the sink when a cabinet door opened on its own. He stared at it… and then closed it.

It opened again.

He closed it again.

It opened again.

He moved to close it again, but it slammed shut before he could touch it.

“What the hell?” he said.

“Ah, scared you, didn’t I, squatter?” Elaine stood in front of the cabinet. “Now leave!” She turned the faucet on right in front of him.

Derek looked at the running faucet and shut it off.

Suddenly all of the cabinets started opening and slamming closed at the same time as the kitchen lights flashed on and off.

“Woot! Woot! Kitchen rave, squatter!” Elaine flicked the light switch on and off with one hand as she gestured to the cabinets.

Derek turned and ran out of the room.

“Gets them every time…” Elaine said proudly as she followed Derek out of the kitchen.

Derek sprinted up the stairs. He was about to grab his duffel and get the hell out of this house, but he saw Toby prowling around his duffel bag on the bed and remembered he had a responsibility. Instead, he continued down the hall to the bathroom and splashed cold water on his face, breathed deeply, and counted to ten.

Coming out of the bathroom, Derek was feeling a little calmer. He noticed Toby padding tentatively out of the guest room into the hallway. “Hey buddy,” Derek said gently to the cat.

“Mrrrow,” Toby meowed at Derek.

Derek smiled.

Toby turned away from Derek toward the stairs where Elaine was just coming up onto the landing.

“Mrrrow,” Toby meowed at Elaine.

Derek stopped smiling.

Elaine crouched down and Toby moved towards her, already purring before she had even scratched between his ears.

Derek stared at the cat purring and moving around… something. He saw the fur between Toby’s ears move as if scratched. Derek swallowed hard.

Elaine looked up from the cat and saw Derek staring directly at her – not through her, at her.

“You can’t see me… right?” she said aloud.

Derek slowly reached in his pocket and drew out his iPhone.

“Oh, you’re not going to try the whole, ‘take a picture of the ghost.’ Because you know that never really works…”

Derek took his eyes off the space where… whatever was petting Toby must be and opened his message app. “Sam… Sam… Sam…” he found his friend’s message thread and started typing, speaking aloud, “Dude, is your place frickin’ haunted? Because you probably should have mentioned that in the PowerPoint somewhere between cleaning Toby’s litterbox and don’t water the succulents…”

“Oh, you know Sam?” Elaine said, standing up, Toby rubbing against her ankles. “Maybe you’re not a squatter…”

“…Because a ghost kinda changes things…” He read back over his message before sending.

Elaine’s shoulders slumped.

She focused and then said, “Don’t send the message.”

Derek jumped. “Holy crap!” He stumbled backwards as he stared at the transparent woman in front of him. “You… you’re…. you…”

“Yes, I’m a ghost. Get over it.”

“A… ghost… Okay,” he said, backed up against the door to the linen closet. “Wh-why shouldn’t I send the message?”

Elaine sighed. “Because Marlene would kill me.”

Derek raised his eyebrow. “Marlene would kill…”

Elaine shook her head. “Leave it alone.”

“Wait, who’s Marlene?”

“She’s the ghost here,” Elaine said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

“Oh,” Derek said. “And you’re…”

“Ghost-sitting. What are you doing here?”

“Housesitting.”

“Oh!” Elaine brightened. “That makes way more sense than trying to steal the copper…”

“Wait, you thought…”

“It doesn’t matter.” Elaine waved her hand. “So, we’re both here to take care of the place.”

“Yeah… it seems that way.” Derek took a step away from the linen closet door. “And, well, Toby,” he gestured to the cat still threading around Elaine’s ankles.

She looked down at the orange cat and smiled brightly. “And Toby…”

Her smile made Derek smile as he regarded her.

She looked up at him and their gazes met for a long second. “Wait,” she broke the silence, pointing to the guest room. “Were you reading watering instructions from a PowerPoint?”

“Oh my God, yes!” He pulled out his phone and strode towards her holding the phone in front of him. “You have to see this – there’s three pictures of Toby’s food bowl! Too much food.” He scrolled to the next slide, “Not enough food,” And to the next slide, “Just enough food! And the big green check mark next to it!”

Elaine laughed as she stood right next to Derek looking at the screen.

Derek realized she was right next to him. He smiled at her and she smiled back.

The front door opened and Sam backed into the foyer, dragging his roller bag through the door. “Hey Derek,” he called. “Sorry it took so long…”

From the kitchen, Marlene came in. “Hey Elaine, sorry I’m late, I…”

Sam and Marlene stared into the family room where Derek sat next to Elaine on the couch, a happy, purring Toby sitting between them.

Toby opened one eye.

“Mrrrow.”

I’ve never been this picky about car colors. But after experiencing dual-zone climate controls, I’m never, ever going back. That, right there, can save a marriage. I’m just saying…

“Hey, Theo! Good to see you,” the salesman greeted me as I crossed the parking lot full of gleaming, unsold Hondas.

“John,” I shook his hand. “Thanks for calling – I know we’ve been looking for a while. Sorry I’m so picky.”

“Eh, no worries. I’m just glad we found something.”

“I’m anxious to see it!”

“No worries. Hang out here for a sec – I’ll run in and grab the key.”

A few minutes later John was back, key fob in hand, and led me through the endless rows of cars. “This thing just came in – seriously, hours ago. When I saw the color listed, I called you immediately and threatened bodily harm to the other sales guys if they beat me to it,” he laughed.

There it was. Immediately I could see it checked all the boxes: 2023 Honda CR-V, check; Sport Touring Hybrid, check; and then the bit that I wouldn’t compromise on: Lunar Silver Metallic.

“Yes,” I said reflexively.

John laughed, “That’s not how it’s supposed to work – you’re supposed to say you don’t know, and I’ll say it’s everything you said you wanted, and then you’ll say you’ll have to think about it, and I’ll tell you – accurately, by the way – that I have three other sales guys waiting on this car because you know how long this gen CR-Vs sit on lots…”

I chuckled, “I know, I know… but the color. It’s…”

“Lunar Silver Metallic, yes,” he finished. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but you’re the only person I’ve ever met who can distinguish between Lunar Silver Metallic and its replacement–”

“Don’t even say it…” I interrupted.

“Solar Silver Metallic.”

“Ugh, you said it!” I fake retched.

“Bro, we all OCD over our own things. For you it’s hues of silver.” He held up his hands in surrender, “I’m not questioning why this silver over the Color That Won’t Be Spoken. But since we’re here, do you want to take it for a drive? At least look at the interior?”

It was exactly what I had hoped for – immaculately clean, ludicrously low miles, and I already knew it had all the bells and whistles.

“It’s kind of a sad story,” John said as we drove away from the lot on the test drive.

“Yeah?”

“The previous owner traded it in for an Odyssey minivan for her family. She inherited this from her dad. He bought it even though he didn’t have a license anymore.”

“Huh, really?”

“Yeah, heart issues,” he tapped his chest. “His daughter said he told her that if he was going to be chauffeured around at least it was going to be in style. She said he adored the seat warmer and dual zone climate control because he liked it warm. And he, like you, loved this color.”

I turned back towards the dealership. “Well,” I started, then cleared my throat and said in a formal voice speaking to the car at large, “I promise to take care of it, and if you ever want a ride, you’re welcome.” John and I both laughed as I pulled back into the driveway of the dealership and parked in front of the showroom.

The rest of the afternoon was a blur of credit checks, paperwork, and extended warranty offers. It seemed like forever before the dealership manager handed me the keyfob and paperwork and wished me well.

I was halfway home when the fasten passenger seatbelt warning light and accompanying chime started going off.

I had my laptop bag on the seat, but I didn’t think it would be heavy enough to trigger the seat sensor. At the next stop light I moved the bag to the footwell, but the persistent warning chime continued to sound. I sighed, knowing I’d have to go back to the dealership to get it looked at. Oh well, I thought, you roll the dice on a used car… if this was the worst I had to deal with…

And then the alarm stopped.

The next day I’d been on the freeway for maybe ten minutes when the fasten passenger seatbelt warning light and accompanying chime started up again. I’d deliberately left my laptop bag in the backseat, so I growled in frustration. After a long day, that alarm bore into my brain like needles on a chalkboard.

I took the first exit and pulled over. Reaching across the passenger seat, I grabbed the seatbelt, stretched the belt across the empty passenger seat and clicked it into the seatbelt buckle. Mercifully, the alarm chime stopped and I let out a deep sigh before checking my mirrors and pulling back onto the road.

I was close enough to home that I decided to just take the surface streets. A few minutes later, something caught my eye and I noticed the seat belt draw tighter across the empty seat. I figured it was probably just the auto-tensioner, but then the illuminated PASSENGER AIRBAG OFF indicator went dark.

The seatbelt alarm could just have been some fault – definitely worth getting looked at. But that combined with the airbag indicator meant the car noticed something sitting next to me in the passenger seat. The empty seat.

Then I saw the passenger seat warmer indicator climb to maximum. And the passenger side temperature control incremented up to 85 degrees.

I drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly. Finally, I spoke aloud, “Well, sir, I did say you were welcome to ride any time…” I smiled. “And you have impeccable choice in car colors.”