I was at Home Depot last weekend looking for a skeleton – as one does – and they had cleared out all their Halloween stuff! ALL OF IT. Meanwhile, all the Christmas stuff blinked and flashed and Ho Ho Ho-ed at the other end of the store. It’s time the ghosts take back what’s rightfully theirs!

“You’re kidding, right?” Clarence said, exasperated.

“What? This is spooky!” Eddie raised his arms up in the sheet experimentally.

“Eddie, your sheet has red and green icicles on it.”

“I mean… yeah… sure… but it’s not my fault – It’s less than ten days until Halloween and the stores have already gotten rid of all our merch and brought in the Christmas stuff. And we haven’t even passed our big day!”

“I don’t know,” Walter said coming up on the pair. “I kind of like it.”

Clarence stared at Walter, covered in blinking, colored lights. “Walter, you can’t wear Christmas lights over your sheet. How did you even get those things to light up like that?”

“Is this one better?” Eddie asked.

Clarence turned and regarded Eddie. “You’ve got Santa Clauses on that sheet, Eddie… How is that better than snowflakes?”

“Santa Claus is kind of a big, scary, man – I’ve heard that’s scarier than a bear…”

“That’s not what they… Harold? What are you doing sitting around? We need to get haunting?”

“I was inspired – I saw the ‘Elf on a Shelf’ and decided I was going to be the ‘Ghoul on a Stool’”

“Frank?” Clarence asked. “What is with the wreaths?”

Frank held up green wreaths with holly in each hand and one on his head like a hat. “What? It’s festive.”

“Wrong festivity – that’s Christmas, not Halloween!”

“I beg to differ – what are wreaths except dead plants? And we’re dead… I mean, even mistletoe is a parasite. Gaining life off of the living? Kinda like us…? Eh? Eh?”

Clarence sighed. “You guys, no! These things are not our holiday! We’re ghosts! We’ve got to embrace all things October and Halloween! Think black and orange! Bats and spiders! Skeletons!”

“Alright,” Eddie said, now wearing a sheet emblazoned with reindeer, “We’ve got an idea…”

Eddie in his reindeer sheet, Walter in his blinking lights, and Frank all lined up side by side in front of Clarence. “Harold? Come on, get in line like we practiced.”

Harold remained on his stool and shook his head, “No, this concept doesn’t work if I’m mobile.”

Eddie rolled his eyes. “Okay, ready everyone? One, two, three, four…”

They all started singing: “You better watch out, you better not cry, you better not pout, because you’re going to die!”

“Okay,” Clarence nodded thoughtfully. “That’s kinda scary…”

They continued singing, “He sees you when you’re sleeping, he knows when you’re awake. He knows when you’ve been bad or good but that won’t keep the dead away!”

“You know, this might have a chance…”

Harold pointed from his stool. “See? Ghoul on a Stool.”

Clarence looked them over for a long moment.

“Fine. Let’s go ruin Christmas.”

I had my big toenail removed today, and I’ve been hobbling around as a result. For someone closing in on five years of consecutive 10,000-step days, it’s very frustrating. But I’m stubborn, and I will get those steps in even if it… well, I won’t go that far…

I’ve seen the old man walking the neighborhood cul-de-sac many times since moving to this house – it was usually during the day when I had to come home at lunch to pick up something I forgot, or I had a doctor’s appointment.

And I realize when I call someone an “old man” that could mean a lot of things – particularly since I’ve reached the age where I’m what I used to consider an “old man.” But this guy is in his 90’s if he’s a day – so, old by just about anyone’s metric.

He’ll pause in front of one house or another to catch his breath or just to rest before continuing on his way around the cul-de-sac. I have no idea where he lives – that’s the paradox of suburban living, isn’t it? We’re crammed shoulder to shoulder but we rarely know the person three doors down unless we share a connection like kids or dogs or you’re some kind of type-A social butterfly – weirdo.

While I’ve seen him innumerable times, I never really watched him until recently.

I had foot surgery – I’ll spare you the details because I’m positive you don’t want the gory details there. But suffice it to say, I was on doctor-ordered work-from-home for a couple weeks with limited mobility. I’ll say this: I love working from home until I have no choice but to work from home. Then the walls start to close in on me after a while.

At some point after about ten in the morning I disconnect my laptop from the big monitor, put it in the bag attached to my crutches and hobble out to the front porch where I put my leg up on a sun-bleached low plastic table while I take in the fresh-ish air and try to be productive.

That was when I had my first chance to really watch the old guy doing his circuit. I was on a conference call when the movement caught my eye. He paused in front of the house with the pugs for a few moments (while the dogs went crazy inside, of course) before continuing past the Joneses next door and then past my house. He gave a little wave as he noticed me on the porch and I waved back while I sounded engaged in the meeting. I noticed he wore one of those old-fashioned pedometers on the pocket of his black pants as he continued by.

An indeterminate time later after I absolutely didn’t watch a YouTube video summary of last night’s Warriors game between emails, motion on the street caught my eye again. It was the old man again. “Damn,” I thought, “he’s really getting after it!” He passed the pug house (pugs went crazy again) and paused this time at the fire hydrant between the Joneses and my house. He looked down at his boxy pedometer, grimaced, then started moving again. Again, the little wave as he noticed me on the porch. I waved back before starting the ordeal that is hobbling back inside to my desk.

The next morning it was porch time and here comes the old man on his circuit again. Passed the crazed pugs again, the Joneses, little wave to me on his way by before pausing in front of the Lewises on the other side of my house. I clocked him as he worked his way back down the other side of the street while I fought with a stupid PowerPoint deck.

Right when I was about to hunt down who specifically at Microsoft was responsible for creating PowerPoint and planning an elaborate torture session for that individual in recompense for the pain and suffering I was facing that morning, I saw the old man coming back around again. Paused in front of the pugs (that’s got to be annoying inside…), little wave as he passed me, and he kept going. With a huff, I closed the laptop and went back inside and made lunch.

After-lunch sleepies threatened to consume me at my desk, so I hobbled outside to the front for the rare afternoon porch session. Imagine my surprise when I clocked the old guy making another circuit! He was pausing at the hydrant between the Joneses and my place, grimaced at his pedometer and started forward again.

This man was now officially my kindred spirit.

I closed my laptop, managed to get to my feet and crutched down the two steps to the driveway just as the old man started past my house.

“Good afternoon,” he said.

“Good afternoon,” I replied. “Hey, I’ve been stuck at home for the last few days with… this,” I gestured to my wrapped foot. “I’ve been seeing you doing your walks and… I’ve got to tell you, you’re really inspirational.”

“Bah,” he said with a wave. “I’m no inspiration…”

“No, seriously. What is this? I’ve seen you make at least three circuits of the cul-de-sac today. That’s phenomenal!”

He stopped and looked at me surprised. “Oh? Have I?”

My heart fell immediately and now fear gripped my heart – was I misunderstanding this guy? Is he, like, sundowning… in the middle of the day? Noon-downing? You know what I mean – is someone wondering where he is while he’s endlessly wandering the neighborhood.

“Umm… yeah…” I tried to assess the situation. “How many circuits do you think you’ve done?”

“Oh… I didn’t know I made a complete circuit yet…” he said, befuddlement clear on his face.

My eyes roamed his wrists for some sort of identification – maybe I could contact his caretaker? “I’m terrible at knowing who lives where,” I said. “Where is your place?”

“Oh,” he brightened. “I’m the yellow house at the other end of the cul-de-sac.” He gestured towards the other end of our street… which dead ended into a small park. There were no yellow houses down there.

“By the park?” I asked.

“Park? No…” he looked at me quizzically. “Anyway, my grandson challenged me to get ten thousand steps.” He gestured towards the boxy pedometer clipped to his pocket.

“Where are you at, step-wise?”

“Oh, that’s the thing…” He furrowed his brow as he unclipped the pedometer and stared at the numbers. “I’m at 9,990 right now – should be just ten more steps! But it doesn’t seem to be going up…” He clipped it back to his pocket. “I’ll get it, though,” he said enthusiastically. “You have a good day, now, okay?” And he started back down the cul-de-sac.

I stared after him as he kept moving past the Lewis place.

“Jim…” the male voice behind me made me jump and then stub my bad foot and hobble around in a circle on one crutch.

“Ow, ow, ow, ow! Don’t scare me like that, Alan!” I hadn’t noticed Alan Jones come out of his house and come up behind me.

“You… uh… you talked to him?”

“The old guy? Yeah. I’m really impressed with him. He’s really getting his steps.”

“He’s dead, Jim,” Alan said with absolute seriousness.

I laughed nervously, “What… what are you talking about?” I turned and saw the old man making his way past the house at the very end of the cul-de-sac with, like, three dilapidated pickups parked in front.

“He used to live at the end of the other side of the street.”

“Yeah, he was saying…”

Alan nodded. “They demolished his place about a decade ago and put in that park.”

I gaped at Alan. I turned to make sure the old man hadn’t vanished. Sure enough, he was making his way back down the opposite side of the street after pausing in front of the house with the overgrown yard and the permanent 12-foot skeleton. “But… no, he’s getting his steps…”

Alan nodded. “His grandson?”

“Yeah, so you know?”

Alan nodded again. “He had no business trying to get ten thousand steps. He collapsed when he was out walking – apparently, he was just…”

“…Ten…steps…away…”

From across the street, the old man gave us both a little wave.

“Let’s see… what am I forgetting?” Sam tapped his finger to his chin thoughtfully. “I showed you the plants… You met Toby… I showed you where his food is. Oh, don’t…”

“…Feel bad if Toby doesn’t come out — he’s shy around strangers,” Derek smiled.

“I… already covered that, didn’t I?”

Derek nodded. “It’s cool, man. You’ve got a lot on your mind with this trip. It’s all good. I know which plants to water when, I know Toby’s food schedule. I’ll camp in your guest room tomorrow night, and you’re back next Saturday. That about it?”

Sam visibly relaxed. “Thanks, man. This is all written down and I sent it to your email.”

“Tell me it’s not a PowerPoint.”

Sam reddened.

“Bro, you need this vacation so bad! Maui is waiting!”

“Thanks man.”

“Let’s see… what am I forgetting,” Marlene tapped her finger to her chin thoughtfully. “I showed you the best places to manifest cold spots… Oh, about the stairs, don’t…”

“…Sound footsteps until at least 3am because that’s the accepted ‘witching hour’?”

“I… already covered that, didn’t I?”

Elaine nodded. “It’s fine, Marlene. I understand, this is the first time you haven’t had Amelia to ghost sit for you. But she’s gone into the light, and I’m here to cover for you! You’re good.”

“Thank you, Elaine. I really appreciate it.”

“Hey, it’s not everyday you get to meet up with the ghost of your great, great, great…”

Marlene laughed, “It’s just great-great. And it’s my great, great granddaughter – heart attack, I heard. Died in her sleep.”

“Oh, give her my congratulations!” Elaine smiled.

“Will do. And you think you’ll be back next Saturday?”

“Oh, dear yes. Nothing worse than a visiting ghost overstaying her welcome.”

“Talk about things that go bump in the night!”

They both laughed.

“Hey Toby,” Elaine said gently to the cat sitting on the throw rug in front of the bed as she crouched in the doorway to the guest room. The cat regarded her warily. “We met the other night? Marlene introduced us? She’s out, but she told me to make sure you were okay.”

Derek noticed the cold spot at the top of the hallway as he brought his duffel to the guest room. “That’s weird,” he said shivering and crossing to the thermostat. Seventy degrees. He shrugged and saw Toby sprint under the guest bed as he dropped his duffel. “Hey buddy,” he said, kneeling to look at the two eyes in the darkness. “Pspspspsps…” he said, smiling. Toby stared back at him, then looked over his shoulder. His eyes grew wide and he receded farther under the bed.

“Who is this guy?” Elaine stood behind the man now kneeling in front of the bed. “He’s not coming out for you, buddy. Where’s Sam? I was told Sam was the only living person here?”

Derek tilted his head at the cat looking over his shoulder. He turned and looked straight through Elaine. “Nothing there, buddy.” Derek stood up and turned to face the door and pulled out his iPhone.

Elaine stood directly in front of him as he scrolled through his phone. “Who. Are. You?!” she yelled at him.

“Okay, the Boston fern gets watered today…” he read. He lowered his phone, stared right through Elaine and stepped through her, shivering as he did. “Seriously, why is it so cold up here?” he said to himself as he headed downstairs.

Elaine stared after him as he left the room. “Marlene said Sam was the only living person here. This guy must be… a squatter! He’s probably going to… I don’t know… strip out the copper wires! Like what happened to that foreclosed place I was at. Not today! Not on my watch!” She stalked out of the room after Derek.

Derek had set the small watering can on the counter beside the sink when a cabinet door opened on its own. He stared at it… and then closed it.

It opened again.

He closed it again.

It opened again.

He moved to close it again, but it slammed shut before he could touch it.

“What the hell?” he said.

“Ah, scared you, didn’t I, squatter?” Elaine stood in front of the cabinet. “Now leave!” She turned the faucet on right in front of him.

Derek looked at the running faucet and shut it off.

Suddenly all of the cabinets started opening and slamming closed at the same time as the kitchen lights flashed on and off.

“Woot! Woot! Kitchen rave, squatter!” Elaine flicked the light switch on and off with one hand as she gestured to the cabinets.

Derek turned and ran out of the room.

“Gets them every time…” Elaine said proudly as she followed Derek out of the kitchen.

Derek sprinted up the stairs. He was about to grab his duffel and get the hell out of this house, but he saw Toby prowling around his duffel bag on the bed and remembered he had a responsibility. Instead, he continued down the hall to the bathroom and splashed cold water on his face, breathed deeply, and counted to ten.

Coming out of the bathroom, Derek was feeling a little calmer. He noticed Toby padding tentatively out of the guest room into the hallway. “Hey buddy,” Derek said gently to the cat.

“Mrrrow,” Toby meowed at Derek.

Derek smiled.

Toby turned away from Derek toward the stairs where Elaine was just coming up onto the landing.

“Mrrrow,” Toby meowed at Elaine.

Derek stopped smiling.

Elaine crouched down and Toby moved towards her, already purring before she had even scratched between his ears.

Derek stared at the cat purring and moving around… something. He saw the fur between Toby’s ears move as if scratched. Derek swallowed hard.

Elaine looked up from the cat and saw Derek staring directly at her – not through her, at her.

“You can’t see me… right?” she said aloud.

Derek slowly reached in his pocket and drew out his iPhone.

“Oh, you’re not going to try the whole, ‘take a picture of the ghost.’ Because you know that never really works…”

Derek took his eyes off the space where… whatever was petting Toby must be and opened his message app. “Sam… Sam… Sam…” he found his friend’s message thread and started typing, speaking aloud, “Dude, is your place frickin’ haunted? Because you probably should have mentioned that in the PowerPoint somewhere between cleaning Toby’s litterbox and don’t water the succulents…”

“Oh, you know Sam?” Elaine said, standing up, Toby rubbing against her ankles. “Maybe you’re not a squatter…”

“…Because a ghost kinda changes things…” He read back over his message before sending.

Elaine’s shoulders slumped.

She focused and then said, “Don’t send the message.”

Derek jumped. “Holy crap!” He stumbled backwards as he stared at the transparent woman in front of him. “You… you’re…. you…”

“Yes, I’m a ghost. Get over it.”

“A… ghost… Okay,” he said, backed up against the door to the linen closet. “Wh-why shouldn’t I send the message?”

Elaine sighed. “Because Marlene would kill me.”

Derek raised his eyebrow. “Marlene would kill…”

Elaine shook her head. “Leave it alone.”

“Wait, who’s Marlene?”

“She’s the ghost here,” Elaine said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

“Oh,” Derek said. “And you’re…”

“Ghost-sitting. What are you doing here?”

“Housesitting.”

“Oh!” Elaine brightened. “That makes way more sense than trying to steal the copper…”

“Wait, you thought…”

“It doesn’t matter.” Elaine waved her hand. “So, we’re both here to take care of the place.”

“Yeah… it seems that way.” Derek took a step away from the linen closet door. “And, well, Toby,” he gestured to the cat still threading around Elaine’s ankles.

She looked down at the orange cat and smiled brightly. “And Toby…”

Her smile made Derek smile as he regarded her.

She looked up at him and their gazes met for a long second. “Wait,” she broke the silence, pointing to the guest room. “Were you reading watering instructions from a PowerPoint?”

“Oh my God, yes!” He pulled out his phone and strode towards her holding the phone in front of him. “You have to see this – there’s three pictures of Toby’s food bowl! Too much food.” He scrolled to the next slide, “Not enough food,” And to the next slide, “Just enough food! And the big green check mark next to it!”

Elaine laughed as she stood right next to Derek looking at the screen.

Derek realized she was right next to him. He smiled at her and she smiled back.

The front door opened and Sam backed into the foyer, dragging his roller bag through the door. “Hey Derek,” he called. “Sorry it took so long…”

From the kitchen, Marlene came in. “Hey Elaine, sorry I’m late, I…”

Sam and Marlene stared into the family room where Derek sat next to Elaine on the couch, a happy, purring Toby sitting between them.

Toby opened one eye.

“Mrrrow.”