“No, I don’t believe in ghosts.”

Damn, Maria thought trying to outwardly hide her disappointment. He’s so cute!

“Wait, do you?” he asked.

“What?” she dodged, “How’s your steak?”

“Not bad, not bad,” he said nodding vigorously. “I mean, you know, I’ve had better, but…” At the end of the night he walked her to her car and tried kiss her but she bobbed and weaved out of the path of his lips.

“I had a great time,” she said as she hurriedly opened the door and started inside. “Thanks!” Door closed, car started, pulling away from the curb with Tight Tshirt still standing dumbfounded at how his date managed to elude his laser-guided seduction.

Maria sighed as she sped through the yellow light, putting that much more distance between her and another bad date. “Well, crap,” she said aloud.

“What did you expect?” The response came from the empty back seat.

Maria used the rear view mirror to make eye contact with the black haired woman in the back seat. “Is it too much to ask to find a cute guy with an open mind?”

“The way you’re finding these boys, yes, it’s too much to ask!”

“The way I… you mean online dating?”

“It’s just crazy. I don’t understand how you think that can even work!”

“Tina, just because you died before AOL was around, don’t hate the technology.”

“Don’t you call me old!” The woman in the back seat admonished. “I’m… experienced, that’s all. And, trust me, you’re not going to find the man of your dreams on the intra…webs-whatever.”

Maria smiled to herself at Tina’s lack of tech-savvy. “Will you move up here, I’m getting a kink in my neck talking to you back there,” she said as she took her purse from the passenger seat and moved it to the vacated back seat.

“Look, I’m just saying,” Tina started from the passenger seat, “that’s not how you’re going to find love.”

“Oh, please enlighten me!”

“You’re going to find your man by happenstance. A chance encounter, your eyes meet, and you just know…” Tina’s eyes went a little glassy as she spoke.

“Okay, so clearly when you die you have unlimited time to watch Hallmark movies. Got it.”

Tina jabbed at Maria’s shoulder, but her hand passed right into the woman.

“Ouch! That stings. Tell me, T, does this man I mysteriously encounter help me save the town’s orphanage? Or is it just the family Christmas tree farm?”

“You brat,” Tina laughed. “You’re the one who leaves the TV on during the day.”

“And you’re the one who manipulates the remote to find that sap!”

“It took me years to figure out how to do that,” Tina exclaimed.

“I’ve heard of misspent youth, but this is the first instance I’ve heard of misspent death.”

“Bitch!” Tina cursed with a laugh.

“Ghoul!”

“Meat sack!”

“Wraith!”

“Air breather!”

“Casper!”

“Un-undead!”

“Un-undead? That’s new,” Tina laughed.

“Well, you know, you can teach the dead new tricks.”

“I guess so,” Tina smiled. The silence stretched several city blocks before Tina smiled sadly, “I miss you, Tina.”

“Don’t start, M.”

“No, I’m serious. I need a hug right now. And – nothing personal – but your hugs hurt like hell now.”

“Not my fault,” Tina said shaking her head.

“I know… I know.” Another block of streetlights blurred past. Maria clicked on the blinker, which sounded artificially loud in the silence as she slowed for the right turn. “So, going back… how do I know if a guy is right? I mean, you know, Ryan was sweet…”

“Ryan… Ryan…. Oh, wait, no. Just no.”

“What was wrong with Ryan?”

“Do you remember his answer to whether he believed in ghosts?” Maria giggled but remained silent. “M? You remember… What did he say?”

“’You mean,’” she affected a faux-man’s voice, “’Like, ghosting a chick? Not talking to her?’”

“Real thinker there, M.”

“Come on, Tina. I love you, sis, but maybe there isn’t a guy out there that will, you know…”

“Say it,” Tina coaxed.

“…See you.”

“See me? How about believe I exist? I’d settle for that. Because we’ve both agreed I’m not going anywhere, so what? ‘It’s okay, honey, I just talk to empty air all the time.’”

“That’d be awkward.”

“Yeah.”

“Look, I’ll give up the online dating, but that leaves… I don’t know… Shit!!” Maria cursed as her rearview mirror filled with flashing red and blue lights.

“Oh crap! What’d you do, M?!”

“I don’t know!” She pulled over and rolled down her window. “Stay quiet, Tina.”

“Like he’s going to hear me!”

“Shh!” Maria admonished as she saw the cop get out of his car and approach the driver’s side window.

“Good evening, ladies,” he started.

“Umm,” Maria froze… ladies? Did he say ladies?

Tina must have picked up on Maria’s hesitation because she tested the waters, “Good evening, officer!”

“Ma’am,” he nodded to Tina. Turning back to Maria, “Did you know the registration sticker on your license plate is expired?”

“Uh… umm, no, I mean yes, I mean… no… I mean, Ihaveitandforgottoputiton,” she said in a hurried breath.

He chuckled. That’s a cute chuckle, Maria thought.

“Officer,” Tina started, “I know this is totally off the subject, but are you single? I’m asking for a friend,” Maria winked theatrically and pointed at Maria who was staring at the cop.

He chuckled again and Maria thought she caught a blush. This is very un-cop-like. “Well, ma’am –”

“Tina. And this is Maria – she was about to give you her license… and phone number.”

“Tina!” Maria hissed. “I’m sorry about my friend, officer…”

“Martin. Officer Martin Hayes. And… yeah, this is a bit awkward,” he smiled at Maria. “I ran your plate. You’re clear – just remember to put that sticker on there.”

“I’m sorry, Officer Hayes. I will as soon as I get home.

“Sounds good. But, uh, if that phone number option was serious…”

“You two are totally going to save an orphanage,” Tina whispered.

After starting on a true tale, we’re heading to the land of fiction, but not terribly far off the factual beaten path, as I’m taking a page from the “write what you know” book and placing this story awfully close to home…

Give A Dog A Bone

In hindsight, I probably shouldn’t have been walking Kevin off-leash. I live out in the forest where the number of cars the narrow winding roads see each day can be counted on one hand. No, the only issue I ever had was when Kevin, my black Lab, would jog off into the redwood and pine trees, ignoring my calls until he decided to re-emerge from the brush on his own time. As I tied off the dog poop bag, Kevin darted into the forest, disappearing almost immediately down a dry creek bed and around a bend. The sun had already started to set sending fading orange light glowing through the tall trees as I could hear Kevin rustling in the underbrush.
“Kevin!” I called, “come here, boy!” I whistled for him, but the rustling grew fainter. My irritation started to rise. “Kevin!” I called a bit more impatiently. “Let’s go, buddy!” I looked down at the flip flops on my feet and realized if I had to hike up into that creek bed I’d likely twist my ankle and bathe myself in poison oak. “Kevin!!” Finally, I heard his rustling coming towards me and I relaxed a bit. A moment later Kevin burst out of the bushes proudly carrying a long white stick. As he drew closer, though I realized it wasn’t a stick – it looked like a bone. “Drop it!” I said, and Kevin dropped the bone and sat on his haunches, tail wagging expectantly. “I don’t think we’re going to play fetch with this, buddy,” I told him as I picked up the bone. It was clearly too big for a deer leg. It really looked… human. “Let’s get back to the house, Kevin.” He tilted his head confused that I wasn’t throwing the “stick.” I turned and he grudgingly followed.

Kevin’s discovery set off a flurry of activity in my normally-quiet neck of the woods. The sheriff arrived on site almost immediately, confirmed the bone was human and made a single call that caused nearly a dozen vehicles to converge on the back road. High intensity lights turned night into day as a pair of bloodhounds (Kevin liked that part) and their handlers set off up into the creek bed. Within hours they had found Kevin’s grisly discovery – the decomposed body of what the coroner declared to be a woman in her late teens. The remains were carefully removed and deputies draped the copse of forest in yellow police tape declaring it an active crime scene. Detailed photos were taken and the sheriff said they’d be back later that morning as the last police car drove off just as the sun was rising.

My head hit my pillow an instant before my alarm started shrieking for me to get up. I swatted at the alarm and then called work to let them know I wasn’t going to be in for a while. I didn’t end up making it in to work at all because the sheriff woke me around noon asking if he could come by and ask some questions. Apparently, the coroner didn’t sleep because she’d already done a preliminary examination on the remains. She was fairly certain the body was indeed a woman, probably 18 or 19, and she had definitely met an untimely demise. The skull showed evidence of blunt force trauma and the neck bones appeared to be crushed in a manner consistent with manual strangulation. Add to the fact that the body was found in the middle of nowhere and the authorities were fairly certain this was where the body was dumped. Gratefully I was quickly eliminated from the suspect pool when the sheriff learned I’d only been in the area for about a year – for the kind of deterioration they found, the body had been there at least two years, the coroner decided. They thought they might have found something they could use for DNA, but didn’t hold out much hope; they’d already sent the teeth to a forensics lab to check for dental records.

“So you don’t think you’re going to figure this out any time soon?” I asked Sheriff Barnes as he put away his notepad and stood up from the deck chair.

“Soon?” he scoffed, looking into the forest beyond the edge of my deck, “I’ll be honest, we’ll be lucky to figure out just the identity of our Jane Doe. So much time has passed…” he shook his head, “I’d put the odds of actually solving this thing at near-zero.” He let out a sigh, “But,” turning his attention back to me, “stranger things have happened – hell, your pooch finding the bones in the first place is pretty amazing.” He started for the steps leading to the street and his cruiser. “If I need anything more I’ll be in touch,” he said.

Kevin and I went out a few hours later as the sun started setting again – this time I had Kevin on the leash. As we started past the crime scene tape I heard rustling in the bushes. Kevin whined. “No, buddy, I’m not letting you off leash to chase a deer or whatever that is.” But whatever it was had stopped rustling. We started moving again, and the rustling started again, seemingly keeping pace with us but in the trees. I stopped. The rustling stopped. Kevin whined again, but it wasn’t an eager whine – Kevin’s tail drooped between his legs. Kevin was scared. We started off again, hastening our pace. The rustling mimicked our pace, but sounded closer. We sped up to a jog, Kevin glad to speed up. The rustling continued more loudly. I tried scanning the trees and bushes in the fading light to see what was keeping up with us but everything passed in a blur. I increased to a full run, Kevin keeping stride. The road turned slightly and crossed a short timber bridge over another dry creek. My lungs and legs burning, I coaxed Kevin to a stop on the other side. The rustling had stopped and didn’t start up again as we hurried home.

The next evening, we took a different route for his walk.

A few days later I had just turned off the shower when I heard a crash in the family room. I quickly grabbed my towel and rushed out to see what Kevin had knocked over. The family room was empty. Behind me in my room, Kevin raised his head lazily from the bed. I wandered back into the family room and couldn’t find anything out of place. I decided I must have imagined it as I went to return the towel to the bathroom. I gasped. On the fogged up mirror was the word “HELP” drawn in the condensation.

“Be good, Kevin! See you later,” I called as I tried to walk quickly out the door while simultaneously dressing myself. The workday passed quickly and as the day wore on I felt guilty leaving Kevin to face whatever had come home. I picked up a Nylabone for him on the way home. That evening our walk was uneventful, but when we got back to our deck the lights inside the house were on.

“Umm, we didn’t leave those on, did we?” I asked Kevin. He tilted his head quizzically. “Uh, let’s go in,” I tugged at his leash. Kevin didn’t budge. “Kevin, let’s go.” He sat down. “Now!” I said, tugging on his leash harder. Kevin did his best impression of an immovable object. “Fine,” I said, “I’ll go ahead first,” and dropped the leash. I stepped gingerly onto the deck and slowly walked to the door. My pulse raced as I crossed the deck. Looking in through the windows I couldn’t see anything amiss. I put my hand on the doorknob and started to relax as I opened the door.

“See, Kevin?” I said with feigned bravado, “Nothing to be afraid of.” And at that moment all the lights went out. In the enveloping darkness I heard Kevin whine. I wanted to whine. A single light appeared inside the family room. I crossed the threshold to see the glowing screen of my laptop. The same laptop I’d left in my bag when I got home from work. Now it was out on the table, opened, and turned on. I stepped into the dark room and could tell immediately I wasn’t alone. I stepped closer to the table and could see a webpage on the screen. “Search Continues For Missing Girl,” read the headline at the top of an article from the local paper.

“That’s you, isn’t it?” I said out loud to the room.

The lights came back on.

“Who killed you?” I asked.

The laptop went dark, as my peripheral vision picked up movement. I wheeled around quickly enough to see a wisp of blonde hair disappear into my dark bedroom. I heard Kevin step up onto the deck. “Thanks for your fearlessness, buddy.” I moved towards the bedroom. I had taken several steps when I heard the music. “Daniel is traveling tonight on a plane,” the Elton John song started barely audible from the Bluetooth speaker in my room but grew louder, “I can see the red tail lights heading for Spain…” The tempo of the song started speeding up. “Oh and I can see Daniel waving goodbye…” The song grew louder and sped up. Elton John’s voice rose to a shrieking soprano, “God it looks like Daniel, must be the clouds in my eyes.”

The music stopped. The room seemingly echoed with the silence. I reached into my pocket for my phone, pressed a few buttons and waited for the call to connect. “Sheriff Barnes? I think I have some information for you about the Jane Doe…”