I’ve never been this picky about car colors. But after experiencing dual-zone climate controls, I’m never, ever going back. That, right there, can save a marriage. I’m just saying…
“Hey, Theo! Good to see you,” the salesman greeted me as I crossed the parking lot full of gleaming, unsold Hondas.
“John,” I shook his hand. “Thanks for calling – I know we’ve been looking for a while. Sorry I’m so picky.”
“Eh, no worries. I’m just glad we found something.”
“I’m anxious to see it!”
“No worries. Hang out here for a sec – I’ll run in and grab the key.”
A few minutes later John was back, key fob in hand, and led me through the endless rows of cars. “This thing just came in – seriously, hours ago. When I saw the color listed, I called you immediately and threatened bodily harm to the other sales guys if they beat me to it,” he laughed.
There it was. Immediately I could see it checked all the boxes: 2023 Honda CR-V, check; Sport Touring Hybrid, check; and then the bit that I wouldn’t compromise on: Lunar Silver Metallic.
“Yes,” I said reflexively.
John laughed, “That’s not how it’s supposed to work – you’re supposed to say you don’t know, and I’ll say it’s everything you said you wanted, and then you’ll say you’ll have to think about it, and I’ll tell you – accurately, by the way – that I have three other sales guys waiting on this car because you know how long this gen CR-Vs sit on lots…”
I chuckled, “I know, I know… but the color. It’s…”
“Lunar Silver Metallic, yes,” he finished. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but you’re the only person I’ve ever met who can distinguish between Lunar Silver Metallic and its replacement–”
“Don’t even say it…” I interrupted.
“Solar Silver Metallic.”
“Ugh, you said it!” I fake retched.
“Bro, we all OCD over our own things. For you it’s hues of silver.” He held up his hands in surrender, “I’m not questioning why this silver over the Color That Won’t Be Spoken. But since we’re here, do you want to take it for a drive? At least look at the interior?”
It was exactly what I had hoped for – immaculately clean, ludicrously low miles, and I already knew it had all the bells and whistles.
“It’s kind of a sad story,” John said as we drove away from the lot on the test drive.
“Yeah?”
“The previous owner traded it in for an Odyssey minivan for her family. She inherited this from her dad. He bought it even though he didn’t have a license anymore.”
“Huh, really?”
“Yeah, heart issues,” he tapped his chest. “His daughter said he told her that if he was going to be chauffeured around at least it was going to be in style. She said he adored the seat warmer and dual zone climate control because he liked it warm. And he, like you, loved this color.”
I turned back towards the dealership. “Well,” I started, then cleared my throat and said in a formal voice speaking to the car at large, “I promise to take care of it, and if you ever want a ride, you’re welcome.” John and I both laughed as I pulled back into the driveway of the dealership and parked in front of the showroom.
The rest of the afternoon was a blur of credit checks, paperwork, and extended warranty offers. It seemed like forever before the dealership manager handed me the keyfob and paperwork and wished me well.
I was halfway home when the fasten passenger seatbelt warning light and accompanying chime started going off.
I had my laptop bag on the seat, but I didn’t think it would be heavy enough to trigger the seat sensor. At the next stop light I moved the bag to the footwell, but the persistent warning chime continued to sound. I sighed, knowing I’d have to go back to the dealership to get it looked at. Oh well, I thought, you roll the dice on a used car… if this was the worst I had to deal with…
And then the alarm stopped.
The next day I’d been on the freeway for maybe ten minutes when the fasten passenger seatbelt warning light and accompanying chime started up again. I’d deliberately left my laptop bag in the backseat, so I growled in frustration. After a long day, that alarm bore into my brain like needles on a chalkboard.
I took the first exit and pulled over. Reaching across the passenger seat, I grabbed the seatbelt, stretched the belt across the empty passenger seat and clicked it into the seatbelt buckle. Mercifully, the alarm chime stopped and I let out a deep sigh before checking my mirrors and pulling back onto the road.
I was close enough to home that I decided to just take the surface streets. A few minutes later, something caught my eye and I noticed the seat belt draw tighter across the empty seat. I figured it was probably just the auto-tensioner, but then the illuminated PASSENGER AIRBAG OFF indicator went dark.
The seatbelt alarm could just have been some fault – definitely worth getting looked at. But that combined with the airbag indicator meant the car noticed something sitting next to me in the passenger seat. The empty seat.
Then I saw the passenger seat warmer indicator climb to maximum. And the passenger side temperature control incremented up to 85 degrees.
I drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly. Finally, I spoke aloud, “Well, sir, I did say you were welcome to ride any time…” I smiled. “And you have impeccable choice in car colors.”
